Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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