i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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