Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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