loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
