none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
