im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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