OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
