Sober January is a disaster.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
