I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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