i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
