There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
