you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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