All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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