that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize