I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
