Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You pole danced in your parka.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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