I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
