if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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