That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
