the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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