How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
