five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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