Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
