i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
