I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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