sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
