she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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