I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
