Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
