if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
