True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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