I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
