We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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