i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
