just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
