how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
