I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
