I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
