wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
