So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
