so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
