His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I love you.
Bad choice
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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