My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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