I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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