she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
