wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
