probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
