You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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