Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
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