Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
