I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
