Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
