And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I feel great
I just peed on a car
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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