they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
