So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Edward fifth and chaser hands
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize