I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
