i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
