you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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