break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize