this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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