1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
