i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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