made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize