I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
