I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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