Umm I'm too high to move.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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