btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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