he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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