she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
