that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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