When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
