Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
