I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
