I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
