What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
