we have pet lesbian snakes
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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