we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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