i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
