just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
