I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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