he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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