Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
