none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
