I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
