drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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