You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
