apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
