What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
