If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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