im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
