fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
