I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
