I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
