I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
