You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Last time i carry you out of a forest
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
how drunk are you?
Several
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
