You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
