I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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