sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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