He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
